I admire you for staying with him: The stigma of mental illness

My husband (and I) just made it through his third manic/psychotic episode. We've been together for 15 years and his last two episodes were only 9 months apart. When he had his first one 12 years ago, the best thing I ever did was find a support group. That group recommended I go to counseling and they recommended books for me to read. They taught me how to set boundaries. I was a very lost 25 year old. I learned sooo much about bipolar. I even moved out at one point to enforce a boundary. I knew if I didn't have boundaries, I would only resent him, and I knew resentment is something that is even harder to overcome.

I learned in the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" how to separate my husband from bipolar. It wasn't easy, but the longer I am married to him, the easier it is.

This time my husband somehow went willingly. The last two he racked up criminal charges. Each time I always worry I will never get my husband back. Psychosis is very scary for all involved. He is out of inpatient and in outpatient now and he is back (with some short term memory loss that is common after an episode).

I think one of the saddest things people have said to me, is how they admired me for staying with him. I want to tell these well meaning people that I love him. I married my best friend 12 years ago. He is an AWESOME husband. He is an AWESOME dad, he's a brilliant engineer, and he quite honestly is the funnest person I have ever been around. He makes me feel safe, he protects me, he makes me laugh, he takes us camping, he's simply the best....and sometimes, he is sick. Very sick. I think it's sad I get a pass to bail because his sickness is in the head. It just proves what a stigma mental illness still has, because if it were anything else (cancer for example) no one would give me a pass and sympathetic nod to leave.

I know there are circumstances of abuse, or infidelity, and this post is by NO means to say you should stay. My husband tries to be med compliant. He tries to manage it the best he can, and I know he is trying his best. Some don't, and then I get it if you have to leave.

I guess I just want to say, I am grateful for all the support, past and present that I have received. I'm grateful for those willing to share their story and help me learn. I'm grateful for those who simply offer a prayer with me when I needed it the most. I'm grateful we live in a time medicine can help this disorder so my kids still have a dad they love who takes them for bike rides, and plays legos with them, and helps them do their hw. I'm grateful that after three scary episodes, I get my husband and best friend back each time somehow because of modern medicine. 

My husband has bipolar 1 disorder, but it doesn't have him.  It tries, by God it tries; but he comes back swinging every time, and I'm so, so proud of him.