Have you seen the popular facebook re-post this month? There are variations, but for the most part it reads,
“My door is always open, the coffee pot is always on (well, I’ll make some!) and my sofa is always warm and a place of peace and non judgement. Any of my family and friends who need to chat are welcome anytime . It’s no good suffering in silence. I have cold drinks in the fridge…tea & coffee in the cupboard and I will always be here. …You are never not welcome!!
Blue Monday is a name given to a day in January (typically the third Monday of the month) reported to be the most depressing day of the year and January the worst month for suicides, it’s always good to talk but even better to listen.
This hits closer to home than we think. I’ll always lend an ear and a shoulder…….and my heart.
Post if you are an advocate too.
This is a re-post, and I mean it!”
I had never heard of “blue Monday” before. You would think I would have been acutely aware of its existence, last year, January 18th, 2016. It was in fact the third Monday in January, and it was also the day my friend of 22 years died by suicide.
I was tempted to re-post the sentiment. Shared undoubtedly with the best of intentions, something in it felt empty to me. See, I’ve learned a lot in this past year. I wrote a piece on my friend’s death that was shared by various news outlets and I read, or did my best to read, every single comment. I learned a lot from the comments. Some of them were very hard to read. In the end though, this is about starting a conversation and erasing the stigma; so if I were to shy away from comments that are difficult to hear, I too just become part of the problem.
The most important piece of advice I took away, was that a person in despair or a person with suicidal thoughts will in fact NOT reach out to you. This was echoed in multiple comments across multiple outlets by those who have been there themselves. Many scoffed at my assertion that had my friend called or texted I would have ran to her side. Some were kinder and tried to gently point out that is not how depression works.
The bottom line though is this: Re-posting a generic facebook status update regarding mental health, depression and suicide is certainly better than nothing, but it’s still not going to save any lives. I’m not saying this to sound callous, cruel or judgmental. I say this as someone that wishes I had known this one year ago. I say this as someone who didn’t even think suicide was an option for my friend until it happened, I say this to maybe be a voice to those who are suffering right now and who took the time to comment and try and educate me on the condition.
The facebook sentiment is a start, but please, please, PLEASE do more if you think someone is struggling. Even if you don’t think suicide is an end result like I did, reach out. Reach out! Reach out in a personal message, a card, a call, really anything more than a generic facebook post.
I can’t bring Sarah back. One suicide is completed there are no second chances.
Maya Angelou was a poet Sarah and I loved. She once said, “When you know better, you do better.” I wish knowing better hadn’t been at the expense of Sarah’s life, but since it is, there is only one thing left to do in her honor:
Do better.
We have to do better.
I love you Sarah.
