Today is December 9th, 2017. What seems like an eternal 7 months ago, you were taken from me and the kids. Bipolar clinched it's grip on you and just like that, you were gone.
First in the hospital and then a medication induced zombie, you have been lost to us. I told many people I lived and traveled with a cardboard cutout of you. Physically present but emotionally absent, we would try to engage you but would be met with apathy.
Finally we found a psychiatrist who adjusted your medication and within days that cardboard cutout of you started to come alive again. Today you are back.
Looking at you tonight I marveled that you were talking to me, listening to me, responding to me...and laughing! I stared incredulously that the man I married was back. My mind started to wander. I started to feel anxious. I began to pray silently in my head,
"Please stay for awhile. Don't leave again. Please, please, please let him stay well and achieve stability again. Please God, please.
"Why are you acting so weird?” he said and interrupted my train of thought.
Even if I tried to explain it, you'’ll never understand. You’ll never understand how you go away, and you'll never understand that in these moments, or these seasons of wellness, I’m so grateful and so scared at the same time that we will lose you again.
Why am i acting so weird? I don't know how to tell you I’m so happy I could cry, and so scared this won’t last, and I’m just trying to drink in this moment of wellness and pray to God it doesn't go away again anytime soon.
